• Do they respond with effort — not just one-word replies?

• Can you have hard conversations without ghosting?

• Are you texting out of habit — or genuine connection?

• Do you feel safe expressing emotions digitally?

• Have you clearly communicated your non-negotiables?

• Do they respect your space when you need alone time?

• Are your social media boundaries mutually agreed upon?

• Can you say no without guilt or fear of retaliation?

• I can express emotions without fear of judgment or dismissal

• We repair after conflict — no prolonged silent treatment

• My partner acknowledges my feelings even when they disagree

• We talk about our attachment styles openly

• Neither of us uses therapy language to deflect accountability

• We've talked about social media presence and tagging boundaries

• No pressure to share phone passwords — trust isn't surveillance

• We respect each other's need for offline time

• We've discussed how AI apps / companions factor in our lives

• Neither of us uses social media to subtly provoke jealousy

• We've discussed financial goals and attitudes toward money

• Values around family, kids, and lifestyle are at least compatible

• We've talked about career ambitions without minimizing each other

• Climate, mental health care, and community matter to both of us

• We can disagree on politics without contempt

• I don't code-switch or shrink myself around my partner

• My gender identity and sexuality are respected fully

• We celebrate individuality — no pressure to merge personalities

• I'm not performing a version of myself to keep the relationship

• My interests and creative outlets are supported, not mocked

• My partner doesn't expect me to be their sole emotional support

• Therapy, journaling, or other self-care is respected — not mocked

• We can say "I'm at capacity today" without it causing conflict

• Neither of us trauma-dumps without consent

• We share emotional labor fairly — it's not one-sided

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Conversations started

• Are you growing in the same direction, or apart?

• Do you still make time for each other outside of life logistics?

• Have you discussed life goals — kids, money, location — honestly?

• Is emotional labor shared or silently imbalanced?

• Does career ambition feel supported, not competed with?

• Do you protect sacred time as a couple?

• Are financial decisions made together with transparency?

• Is burnout impacting your intimacy and presence?

💬 Communication Infrastructure

• We have a weekly or bi-weekly "state of us" check-in

• Conflict resolution doesn't involve stonewalling or contempt

• We can bring up hard topics without it becoming a fight

• We've talked about communication style differences explicitly

• We give feedback with care, not criticism disguised as honesty

💰 Financial Partnership

• We've aligned on spending habits and savings goals

• Debt, student loans, or financial stress are discussed openly

• Financial decisions are made together — no financial infidelity

• We're building something together, not just splitting bills

• Money disagreements don't escalate into character attacks

🏡 Life Architecture

• Our timelines for major milestones are compatible

• Parenting philosophies (or child-free choices) are aligned

• Household responsibilities feel genuinely balanced

• We've planned for aging parents and family obligations

• Geographic plans (where to live) are discussed, not assumed

🔥 Desire & Intimacy Maintenance

• Physical and emotional intimacy are discussed without shame

• We prioritize each other even when life gets full

• Changes in desire are named — not silently resented

• Date nights or intentional connection happen regularly

• We both feel desired, not just needed

🔄 Growth & Change Resilience

• We grow alongside each other — not apart

• Career changes or pivots are supported, not threatened by

• Personal therapy or coaching is viewed as an asset

• We revisit old agreements as life changes

• We can reinvent ourselves and still feel chosen by each other

🧩 Individual Identity in Partnership

• I have friendships and interests outside this relationship

• "Me time" is protected without guilt-tripping

• We're a team — not two people who lost themselves in "us"

• My ambitions are not downplayed to make my partner comfortable

• We have shared friends AND individual friend circles

• Do you feel safe telling the truth — even uncomfortable truths?

• Are promises consistently kept?

• Is jealousy managed with communication, not control?

• Do they honour your time, energy, and opinions?

• Is disagreement handled without contempt or mockery?

• Do you both feel heard in arguments?

• Are you emotionally available, not just physically present?

• Do you make your partner feel seen on hard days?

• Is vulnerability met with empathy, not judgment?

🚩 Stonewalling

Shutting down emotionally during conflicts instead of engaging with care and honesty.

🚩 Love Bombing

Overwhelming affection early on that fades quickly — often a manipulation tactic.

🚩 Gaslighting

Making you question your own memory, perception, or emotional reality.

🚩 Isolation

Gradually cutting you off from friends, family, or your support network.

🚩 Contempt

Eye-rolling, mockery, and disrespect that erodes the foundation of the relationship.

🚩 Boundary Violations

Repeatedly pushing past limits you've clearly communicated, without remorse.

✅ Active Listening

They put down the phone, maintain eye contact, and genuinely try to understand you.

✅ Consistent Actions

Words and actions align — they follow through on what they say, every time.

✅ Repair Attempts

After conflict, they reach out with genuine care to reconnect and make things right.

✅ Celebrating You

They cheer for your wins without jealousy and support your personal growth.

✅ Safe Vulnerability

You can share fears, insecurities, and dreams without worry of ridicule.

✅ Mutual Growth

Both partners encourage each other to become better humans — together and individually.